WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS?

During our recent visit to Ohio, my mother-in-law surprised me by saying she’d like us to help her with some decluttering. Yay! She’s an inveterate collector of anything antique and/or sentimental, so I was surprised she was ready to pare down.

While I helped Mom in the living room, my husband and his father checked out the basement. In a corner of the storage area, they came across an old-fashioned cardboard clothing box. Inside, Doug discovered an old military hat…but his father had never been in the military. “Dad, what is this?” he asked. “Oh, that’s Jim’s hat from the Air Force.”

Jim? Who’s Jim? He’s Doug’s mother’s mother’s second husband’s brother, of course.

So, Doug asked the logical next question:

“Why do you have this?”

This caused Dad to launch into a long story detailing the avalanche of stuff that so often happens when someone passes away. When Jim died, he had no other relatives, so all his stuff went to his brother. When the brother died, everything remained in his house with his wife, Doug’s grandmother. When she died, all the stuff went to Doug’s parents’ house.

That tale tells us how the stuff came to be in Doug’s parents’ house, but it doesn’t address the core of Doug’s question. When we break down the question word by word, we confront the stories we tell ourselves about why we hold onto things. Your answers will empower you to make the decision you’ve been putting off: keep it or let it go?

WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS?

WHY
For what reason? Do you have it because you love it? Because someone gave it to you? Because someone left it at your house? Because you bought it with some intention of using it that never happened?

DO
The verb “do”is in the present tense. What good is this in your life TODAY? Do you still love it? Do you use it? If not, do you have an actual plan to use it soon? Have you been putting off making a decision about it? If it’s not doing anything for you today, rethink continuing to give it a place in your house.

YOU
Is it yours? How did it come to be in your possession? If it’s not yours, why are you keeping it? If it is yours, do you still need it? Do you still want it? Does it still represent who you are now or is it part of who you used to be? Who else might want or use it? Is it still in good enough condition to be used and enjoyed (Donate or throw it out.)?

HAVE
To have something means you own and possess it. With ownership comes stewardship — you’re responsible for maintaining the item. Do you want this responsibility? Are you still willing to put in the effort of either using this item regularly, displaying it with honor, or storing it properly so it doesn’t become damaged? If you’re no longer interested in putting in work for this item, it’s time for it to move on to a new home.

THIS
Consider the specific item itself. What is it? What’s its inherent purpose? What should it do? Does it serve that purpose for you now? Jim’s old military hat was not being worn, displayed, or even stored very well in my in-laws’ home. (Storing fabric in cardboard in a basement is a recipe for mildew.) 

Instead of continuing to squirrel it away, could it be passed along to someone who values military history? Or a theater group who needs it for a costume? Since I taught my father-in-law how to use Facebook Marketplace to sell things, I’ll bet he’ll list it and find someone who wants it!

ASK YOURSELF
When you’re confronted with a sticky item (or several) that found its way into your home and doesn’t want to leave, break down the question,“Why do I have this?” Your answers will reveal which items need to be released and which ones are truly important to you and deserve a place of honor in your home.